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Published on October 31st, 2013 | by APant1


A History of Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress 2  has been out for six years, and has been receiving regular game updates, weapons, items, and story elements ever since. It’s kind of hard to sum up exactly why these mercenaries are fighting over small shacks and research labs in the deserts of New Mexico, but I’ve taken a crack at it.

Zepheniah Mann was a wealthy business man with stakes in everything from mining to weapons manufacturing. In 1822, his wife Bette died giving birth to three sons, Redmond, Blutarch, and Gray, but Gray was snatched up shortly after his birth “by that Scourge of London, the EAGLE.” Yeup, an eagle swooped up and brought him back to her nest, where she raised him. It’s that kind of story.

Throughout their lives, Blutarch and Redmond did nothing but fight. Zepheniah continued amassing his fortune with his tracker, Barnabus Hale, and eventually discovered a cache of “Miracle Gravel,” a substance known in the the TF2 world to be a unstable element with transformative properties called Australium. Australium is responsible for the technologies behind cloaking, teleportation, and “the entire spectrum of moustache sciences.” His sons squandered their money on luxurious pursuits and attempts to better the other.

They eventually convinced their father to buy large amounts of land in New Mexico (where TF2 takes place) for mining, but when Zepheniah went to the new world in 1850, he found a barren wasteland with no resources. He also kind of caught every disease known to man, and died in the middle of the desert, but not before writing a will on his own skin.

In his will, he left Mann Co., his weapons manufacturing company, to Barnabus. He left the remainder of his estate and his secret supply of Australium to his maidservant, Elizabeth, revealing that Gray had resurfaced to try to blackmail him for it. And to his sons, he left “the greatest curse of all – partnership.” The land in New Mexico was to be split evenly between the two, a decision that would drive them mad for the rest of their natural lives, and then some.

Blutarch assembled a team of mercenaries to take the land by force and kill his brother, but Redmond had the same idea. “My ten-minute land grab became an intractable stalemate,” he revealed to Radigan Conagher, the grandfather of the Engineer in the game. It was in this 1890 meeting that Blutarch hired Radigan to build a machine to extend his life indefinitely. He wanted to outlive his brother and claim the land for himself. But later that night, he was met by an unknown figure. She bears a striking resemblance to Elizabeth and TF2’s Administrator (the lady that yells at you and gives you orders in the game). She offered Radigan 100 pounds of Australium to build Redmond a life extending machine too, extending the Mann brothers’ feud forever.

Fast forward to the late 1960s, where puppet companies Reliable Excavation and Demolition (RED) and Builders’ League United (BLU) have hired the mercenaries we all know and love to fight over the Badlands for the Mann brothers. Saxton Hale owns Mann Co. and is more than pleased to sell weapons to anyone who wants something blown up. They were happy killing each other, coming back to life, and killing each other again, until Gray returned.

The senile and decrepit Mann brothers met in The Alamo (which they had flown to New Mexico for some reason) to discus an end to their fight. Gray strode in with a highly advanced life-extending machine and stabbed them both. He sought to take control of Mann Co. with his robot army and raid the Australium cache, but he found the vault empty.

With the mercs jobless and the earth on the brink of a robot war, the Administrator is seeking to rebuild the teams to fight off Gray Mann for good.

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